I should have stopped, but I couldn't. I just couldn’t. I consumed too much and cannot move. The impulse was too strong. I.. I should have stopped a long time ago. Now it’s too late.
Here I lay, trapped by my own body. A putrid concoction of the most intense varieties of pain and discomfort. Helpless pain. There is nothing that can be done to escape this. Has it been days, or weeks? Encased in my own darkness, it is hard to tell. What will the next moment bring? Perhaps it will be a stabbing sensation; or maybe another part of my body will stop working; or maybe I am no longer able to feel, anything.
That would be a blessing! This ceaseless flaring of pain. How intense will the next wave be? How long will it last? I can’t believe this is happening to me. Seems like only yesterday, I was so healthy and happy. I took my life for granted. I took this body and mind for granted. I did not truly appreciate my freedom. Now I am trapped in this hard and dark case, that my own body built around itself; my own body!
I must find solace. This is not good or bad. It is just change. It might not be for me to understand the deeper reasons for this. The sadness in reflecting on how things were is not helping. The fear of projecting on how things may turn out, is not helping. I have to first accept this moment as it is. As it is. Change. This too shall pass.
Is that… sunlight? Sunlight! The shell is cracking. What is happening.. is this the end? O’ praise this blinding light! I can see trees, and flowers! I am breaking through..
Where have all my legs gone? What is this on my back?... Wings!
A perspective on attention, intention and devotion..
Musings, insights, stories and tips on skillful living.